It is slightly entertaining to me that this has been the most difficult page for me to write. About me should be easy, right? Just explain who you are, what you love, and it’ll write itself! Not only is that not the case here, but that’s not the case times like a hundred.
I like to think of myself as a rather progressive and intuitive person so, I am constantly trying to learn new things, develop my skills, adapt to new ways. I wouldn’t change these attributes of myself for anything, but at the same time… it can make it difficult to have a really firm hold on “who you are.” If I learn something today that can make me a better person, you damn well better believe I am going to do everything in my power to put it into effect tomorrow. If that makes me a “different” person, then I am okay with that because I wholeheartedly believe that you should constantly be thriving to be a better version of yourself than you were the day before.
Now, here’s the real kicker.
I lost myself completely in the last two years. I went through more loss, devastation, frustration, and gut-wrenching pain than I thought I could survive. Some days, I really didn’t think I would. By the (please, God, I hope) end of the constant hard season, I was essentially a shell of who I used to be. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t still feel like that some days, but as time passes – more days start to get light. A few of the things you love start to feel right again. Then, the inevitable crash of guilt for feeling like you could ever be happy without the people and things you have lost comes. Now, I can’t say that feeling will ever fully go away, but the time you allow those thoughts to take you down does get shorter. And a little bit easier to navigate. The part that is not easy to navigate, is getting up on that next, brighter day and figure where to go. What to do. What to dream for. How to keep being you and live in the spirit of those you lost.
Sometimes when you are the most lost, going back to the basics, the most simple answers can be the best way to go. As I write this, I hope you can find some pieces of yourself in here, maybe some comfort, or just to enjoy my words – but this is also helping me to rediscover my way. Try to keep striving to be that better person the next day and also remember the pieces of my heart and soul that have been quieted and shadowed by the depths of my experiences.
I recently took the CliftonStrengths Finder created by Don Clifton and am truly thankful for this experience because I feel like it gave me a little insight again to the core pieces of me that honestly really couldn’t change. No matter what happens or how hard I try.
It seems as if the best way to try and illustrate to both of us the few ingredients in the recipe of my life that I still understand is to share these strengths. I hope by saying them aloud and sharing them with the world, it will help in my expedition of self-discovery and acceptance my strengths as opposed to constantly trying to fix and focus on my weaknesses.
1. Communication (Influencing)
“People exceptionally talented in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.”
2. Strategic (Strategic Thinking)
“People exceptionally talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.”
3. Achiever (Executing)
“People exceptionally talented in the Achiever theme work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. They take immense satisfaction in being busy and productive.”
4. Maximizer (Influencing)
“People exceptionally talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.”
5. Positivity (Relationship Building)
“People exceptionally talented in the Positivity theme have contagious enthusiasm. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.”
http://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com
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The Northwest Mad Hatter 