I think we can agree, most of us have done some some of ‘purging’ of one or more areas of your home while we’ve been locked inside. Those piles you finally got around to going through because let’s face it, we no longer have the excuse of “if I just had more time….” I for one, have discovered that it was definitely not a time issue and most definitely a lack of ‘want to.’ However, after over 8 weeks of that shit staring at me; it was finally the lesser of two evils to just tackle the boxes rather than listening to my inner monologues about what a lazy jerk I am for another day.
Now, to give you a little background if you don’t really know me personally – I am an organizer to the core. Maybe a little OCD, maybe a little nuts, but a freshly organized project is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world. Couldn’t give a crap what the project is; I’ll tackle it. Cabinets, pantries, garages, display shelves, storage units, picture frames, home decor pieces, paperwork, toys, books, coffee cups… like really don’t care what it is – lemme tackle it. It brings so much joy and contentment from a challenge accepted and completed – but it is also very mentally exhausting; and hard to shut off. When I get in those modes, it never stops in my mind. I fall asleep making plans and lists. I wake up panicking and trying to recreate those lists. Then I run myself ragged trying to accomplish said lists. Yeah, I get a lot done – but like I said, it’s fucking exhausting. So quite honestly, as I struggled through a lot of mental health issues in the past year, I shut that part of me off. And our house suffered drastically. Not only was I not tackling those projects, but I wasn’t keeping up on every day life or chores either. Things got pretty out of hand.
If you’ve been following along my writing, you’ve seen me mention that instead of focusing on the angry and negative of our lock down, I am trying to be thankful for the gift of time to help me figure my shit out. It is desperately terrifying to feel frozen and watch the world continuing on without you. So, while I don’t necessarily agree with how our situation is being handled right now – I am thankful to feel just a tiny bit like everything else is on pause, too.
All that being said, we’ll put the two topics together. I am thankful for my extra time and I got tired of piles of shit to deal with staring at me.
Purging has felt so good. Granted, nothing has been able to given away or donated yet, but I have separated from it in my mind and things are packed to go.
It has also honestly been pretty fun and educational to pay closer attention to what I have been most excited and relieved from getting rid of. Those packed boxes truthfully would have looked so different a year ago than they do now.
Not only have my tastes and styles changed, pretty much completely, but I’ve also noticed a vast amount of mental growth by the things I have been able to let go of. As a closet scrapbooker and memorbilia junkie, I tend to hold onto the little things. Not necessarily because of the item itself, but the memories attached to it. I have an awful memory, especially being blinded by grief and trauma the last few years, and to be able to snap back into those feelings and those moments of adventure and joy is so so special to me. Call me a pack rat, if you will, but I will never apologize for wanting to hold onto my best memories in a world filled with so much darkness and uncertainty. Same as I would never apologize or regret any of my tattoos. They are a mark and a symbol of a journey I experienced and helped build me into the person I am today. I may have a different mindset now, but that was still me. That was still my life, my experiences, and I truly feel like it’s painting a canvas of your life. Can’t imagine a day I would ever regret that.
Some items I never realized that amount of guilt I had needlessly attached to items. “I lost my mom so I can’t get rid of that sweatshirt she bought me” type mentality.
Now, I still have several items where that is still my general thought process – but I have realized I made it to a point of only really wanting things that have those special memories attached that I want to preserve; and not so much holding on to every single item simply because it came from someone who is no longer with us.
You are not giving away pieces of their memories by letting go of physical items.
This one took a long time to really process because it is truly how I felt. I felt like I was giving up on them but not holding on to every bit I could. I felt like it was the only way I could preserve their memory. While I enjoy having a few tokens to help spark the reminiscing; I had to find peace with the fact all those memories live inside me and letting go of materialistic items could never change that.
So, my question to you – what have you noticed about your own purging?
Maybe it wasn’t grief or trauma you have been working through; maybe your tastes and tolerances have simply changed in these unprecedented times. Maybe you suffered a loss, of a loved one or even an event you’ve dreamed about. Did that make you want to hold onto every shred you could? Or did you want to send away any reminders? Do you think it’s the same way you would have reacted 10 weeks ago?
Think about the things you have cleared out or maybe this ignites some inspiration to get started. Whether you are at the beginning or the end of your organizing projects, again, I stress – pay attention to your purging. It can truly teach you something about yourself and your own strength. And isn’t that something we could all desperately use right now?
The Northwest Mad Hatter 
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